You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
