things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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