suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
