the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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