I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
