I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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