i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
