Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
