is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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