I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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