you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
