this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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