i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
