Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
