walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
