I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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