You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just gift wrapped bread.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
