He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Randomize
