the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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