I heard we made out
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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