I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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