Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
