Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
