Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
