I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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