if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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