she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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