Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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