there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
