the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
