so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
