hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
