Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
