a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
