On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
