i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
