She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
