i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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