I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
