Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
