Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
