I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I need water and some morals
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
