We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
