This is not my ceiling
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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