WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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