His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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