how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
