I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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