We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
