Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
