Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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